I’m drinking a lot of water lately, is it a sign I have CANCER?!!!

Sounds crazy right?  Along with that there is this:

My urine seems darker than normal, is it a sign I have CANCER?!!!

Unfortunately I had both those thoughts this month.  Not long, contemplative thoughts, just those irrational fear thoughts that pop up while I’m going to the bathroom or drinking a bottle of water.  Understand that I wasn’t drinking gallons of water for a week or peeing tar for a month.  Just once or twice in a single week.  [note. I never pee'd tar, not once!  It was just a little dark!  mc]

A more rational thought would have been that I had a bunch of salty, delicious pepperoni the other day (true) and wasn’t hydrated enough to wash out all the salt causing my urine to be dark and to be extra thirsty for a day or two.  I’m happy to report both my water intake and urine color are both within my normal limits.

I think it goes back to the initial discovery of my cancer.  A “lump” was found that could or could not be cancer.  I had a 50/50 shot and it turned out bad.  It could have just as easily been nothing and at the time, I was fairly confident it was nothing.  My cancer diagnoses has caused me to be more pessimistic and suspect about the littlest aches and pains I get.

Now, a year and three months cancer free, I am healthy.  I am, however, still at high risk for cancer to come back.  That will change in nine months when I pass the two year milestone.  I sometimes feel like I’m riding a stationary exercise bike watching the time slowly count down before I can get off the thing.

I’m actually really good about forgetting that I had cancer.  There is the daily routine that I have to do in the morning but I don’t really associate it with cancer anymore.  It’s just what I do in the morning, kind of like taking vitamins.

I mostly remember and get anxious when it’s time for a check up.  I always get anxious about it, but when they are done I feel great because I’m “good” until the next visit.  It’s kind of like paying a monthly bill.  It’s taken care of and now I don’t have to worry about it for another month.

The thing about these check-ups is that over time they taper off.  So while this past year I was getting scanned every three month, now it’s moved to every four.  For some reason though my brain seems to think that my last exam is only good for three, like I was inoculated from cancer for three months.

I’ve recently hit month 4.

So irrationally, if my cancer were to come back, this would be the month.  This would be the opportunity for cancer to slip by the gate and start mutating cells once again.

My rational brain is saying, “Shut up! it doesn’t work that way!”, and it does a pretty good job of keeping those irrational thoughts away, but every now and then during this last month, for just a moment I’m staring at a bowl full of urine thinking, “Boy, that seems a little dark, I wonder if my bladder is okay”.