Category: Thoughts

Six Years Ago.

Facebook gave me a notification today that exactly six years ago, I had ostomy surgery.  It also brought up a post I put up the early morning of surgery day.  As you could imagine, I was having a hard time sleeping the night before everything would change for me.  Here’s some of what I wrote:

Restart

At the end of 2011, my oncologist had declared I was in remission.  Shortly afterwards, my brother and his girlfriend came to visit.  He had been down to visit several times while I was sick.  He spent a lot of time in the hospital with me along with his girlfriend and Danielle. At the visit after I

Slow Down! Embrace the Journey.

It’s 38 degrees outside today and the wind is blustering.  It’s not the weather you expect in the Las Vegas desert, but if you live here it’s not surprising.  I’m wearing a leather jacket, wool hat, and gloves.  I’m walking to the grocery store to pick up some supplies for New Year’s Eve. The store

Begin Again

Life is about beginnings and endings. My life as a married person has come to an end and my time as a single person has begun again. I was not expecting this ending or beginning again in my life, but sometimes a curve-ball comes your way and you have to take your swing. It is

Surviving and Feeling Guilty About It

I’ve been struggling to try to write this blog for a week now.  Some friends and I were chatting a few days ago.  The discussion was about survivor guilt.  It’s a complicated emotion because on one hand you’re thrilled to have won the battle with cancer and want to shout about it and celebrate.  On

Insomnia

I’m having a hard time sleeping tonight. I’m happy to say that it has nothing to do with cancer. It’s just a normal night at the end of a not normal schedule. Things on my mind have to do with the work week ahead. Things that need to get done and people I need to

Two Years With the Ostomy

I was changing my colostomy bag yesterday and it occurred to me how routine it has all become. It’s hard to believe I had my ostomy surgery back in March of 2011.  It doesn’t seem that long ago.  Here we are in 2013 and things have really been ‘normal’. I’ve been living this way for two years

Results Day

I am awake!  That is unusual for me. As Danielle with tell you, I’m usually out within five minutes of my head hitting the pillow.  It is even more unusual tonight because I’ve only had 4 hours of sleep from the prvious night because of work.  But here I am, awake with thoughts bouncing around

Irrational Fear

I’m drinking a lot of water lately, is it a sign I have CANCER?!!! Sounds crazy right?  Along with that there is this: My urine seems darker than normal, is it a sign I have CANCER?!!! Unfortunately I had both those thoughts this month.  Not long, contemplative thoughts, just those irrational fear thoughts that pop up

Another Year Anniversary

So I’ve passed another milestone last month.  It has been one year since I was declared cancer free.  I’ve spent the last year going to the oncologist every three months to get PET scans, CT scans, bone density scans, blood work.  I’ve had a colonoscopy and various other tests from several doctors.  I’m still on